hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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