OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
