Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
