The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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