I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
