She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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