Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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