..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
