If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize