Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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