I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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