ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
