Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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