I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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