i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
