i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize