You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I enjoy the company of your penis
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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