i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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