First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
