He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
God, I missed his penis.
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