I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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