You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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