I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
