I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
