I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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