And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize