only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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