that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
