Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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