Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sarcasm needs its own font
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
