Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
