I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
