Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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