I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
