I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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