Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
