Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
