Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
