Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
