He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize