If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
where are my eyebrows?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
