Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
