my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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