The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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