sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
