Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
