All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
