Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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