he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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