if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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