I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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