this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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