fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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