Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
this is an emotional support booty call
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
