do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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