I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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