i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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