it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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