I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
