Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
