she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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