What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
