So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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