google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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