meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
