Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We got so high we made milksteak
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
