I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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