i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
FUCK WHALES
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
