i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
