i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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