Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
