WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
